Street Racer

This past weekend I had an enviable time at Ramfest outside Worcester. There is nothing quite like spending a weekend with friends, seeing your favourite bands live one after the other and being able to swim in an actual river.

One thing though has stood out from that weekend. It is a conversation I had with a guy who dwarfed the porta-loos and smelled far worse. He was camping near to us and accidentally stumbled into our camp. Being in the festival vibe, we got chatting to him – there were a number of us at our camp at the time.

He stood towering over us and the conversation immediately turned to cars. A topic he clearly enjoyed. This though is where it gets scary and positively silly.

This man told us about his Ford Fairmont. For those who don’t know, it’s a big saloon car about the size of a 5-series BMW. I don’t remember all the details about what he had done to “pimp” it out but he told us, and I quote, “I spend about R7000 on my Fairmont every month.”

At this, we all looked around at each other in disbelief. I asked him how he possibly gets that right and he told us of how he has to replace his tyres every month, then there’s the petrol that he burns demolishing his tyres and then small touch ups and tweaks that are required. I quote again, “You see, because I go get drunk and then race around the streets.”

I ask him, “Do you race. Do you go to drag races or anything?”

He replies, “No, I only drive, race around town on weekends. In the week I use my Bantam.”

If you can’t already see what’s wrong here then I spell it out. This sad guy spends R7000 a month on a car he only uses on weekends. What’s even sadder is that the car is a Fairmont and not something more hot-rod like. The part that worries me the most is that he gets drunk. He drinks and goes out and races his car. He’s probably that guy who pulls off at the lights only to have you pull up next to him nice and genteelly at the next set of lights. He’s also probably the idiot who caused a big crash on the weekend and walked away while an innocent, sober person is left dead or paralysed.

The cherry on top however is that when I asked him if he sees anything wrong with doing this and, quite frankly, wasting his money every month, he just shakes his head, “No way man, it’s awesome.”